Monday, July 4, 2011

Day 5 of my freedom - July 1, 2011

Today is the fifth day of my life in freedom. I got to the safe house last night. I had trouble sleeping last night because I knew that today was D-Day for me. I feel so safe at this place and internally that I told m parents and grandmother the truth about my decision.

Grandma’s reaction was one of confusion but also silent support. She had seen that I was leaving - as I had packed up all my stuff from her house in a bunch of pillowcases and one suitcase type bag.

Mom’s reaction was one of surprise and confusion. Mom wanted to try to bring me back and I told her it was out of the question. I had originally planned on 30 days or even 60 days of no-contact, but my mother requested to keep in touch with me by phone once a week. I said yes she could keep in touch with me by phone once a week - on condition that she does not attempt to convince me to come back. She reluctantly agreed to this condition on my part - and if she violates it I will stop taking her phone calls.

My dad expressed rage at having lost control of his victim, and his reaction was only a powerful confirmation that I had made the right decision to leave him behind. I heard him yelling at my mom in the background as he spoke to me - and as he has yelled at her for his whole life.

My friend tried to tell me to reconcile with my family - and I told her it was out of the question. She didn’t really understand my decision at all.

I got support from the receptionist at my parents’ synagogue, from one friend, and from one of my professors.

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