Day 11 of Freedom
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Today is day 11 of freedom. So far today has been characterized by minor sources of frustration. The main problem has been that our Internet access has been temporarily disrupted. For C this is a major problem as it makes it more difficult to do her paid work as an appointment setter. For me this is more like an inconvenience as I would like to find information on possible research areas at FIU and to post my entries on my emotional child abuse survivor blog. I also purchased an on-line subscription to the Wall Street Journal and would like to read it.
But still I can find ways to be productive even without the Internet. For instance, I will read the rest of the magazine Poder which Ibis gave me when she and Julia picked me up at the train station last Thursday. Later on I might also read my Russian language book and even possibly learn or review some Russian history vocabulary words. I can also write about my experiences as I am doing right now.
Last night I had a bit of trouble sleeping, and so I went downstairs three times to eat more food. I realized that actually the problem was I was hungry and didn’t know it. Since moving to the transition house I have been eating far less food than in the past and yet I never felt hungry. I think that now that I am beginning to feel better and safer inside - my appetite is beginning to return. Last night I had headaches from hunger - and so I ate a pack of crackers and three pieces of cheese. Once I had the cheese, I felt full and fell asleep almost immediately.
This morning I was very constipated and tired, and so I simply stayed in bed for a longer while than usual. I feel much better now that I was finally able to go to the bathroom. I am longing to walk outside for exercise so I can be outside and move my body. But with the rain coming down in sheets this morning, it is impossible to go outside right now. I am happy here because I can eat when I’m hungry, sleep or rest when I’m tired, and work when I am able to do so and at my own pace. I don’t have grandma yelling at me when I am resting in the middle of the day and calling me a parasite or sicky, and so I feel much better.
Also I now know how grandma feels when I froze her out of her own apartment. One of the main conflicts between me and grandma when I lived with her was about the air conditioner. I always liked it cold, and she always liked it hot. And so every time I would turn down the thermostat, grandma would put on her winter pajamas, and this was going on in the middle of the summer. Now I am so happy at the transition house, and yet I am also always freezing. So I spend all day and even all night wearing my black jacket - and many days and nights in my long pajamas simply so I don’t freeze. I think of grandma as I experience all this.
C said every resident is supposed to wash her sheets and make her bed every week. To me this is a natural requirement of daily living, and so today, since the Internet is down and I can’t do much work anyway, I will wash my sheets and make my bed. I have now been staying here in the transition house for a whole week as I arrived last Thursday night, and so it is time for me to wash my sheets and make my bed.