Thursday, December 27, 2012

Child Abuse and Domestic Violence from One Autistic Perspective

My second major revelation is that although autism has been a disaster for me in the career arena, it has been a powerful strength in anothear important area of my life. In particular, I am learning that as a result of my autism, I can cut through the most common rationalizations and justifications for domestic violence and child abuse. As a child, I was subjected to psychological child abuse by both parents, particularly my father. I am also a witness to my dad's ongoing campaign of psychological terror against my mother. I knew from a very early age that child abuse and domestic violence were morally wrong and absolutely evil. Unlike my neurotypical mother, I never searched my behavior to determine what I might have done wrong to provoke the abuse. I never tried to fix my behavior in an attempt to appease my father and end the abuse. I also never justified and rationalized child abuse and domestic violence.

My clear and strong sense of morality allowed me to grasp that my father's abuse was motivated by a deep desire to exercise absolute power and control over his female relatives. This clear understanding of the difference between good and evil empowered me to stand up to my father from a very early age on my own behalf and my mother's behalf. I knew that my dad's abuse against me and my mother was inherently wrong and had no justification. I also realized that it was completely unconnected with my actions and my mother's behavior. I never wasted time looking for my dad's approval or hoping he would change or believing that he would stop abusing me if only I could develop better table manners or social skills or make any other changes in my life.

I believe that I can make a contribution to the fields of domestic violence and child abuse by presenting my perspectives on these issues from an Asperger perspective. I think that my autistic point of view is a powerful strength when it comes to addressing these problems. I believe that the autistic viewpoint can help victims and survivors of domestic violence and child abuse to understand that they should stop rationalizing the behavior of their abusers. They should stop trying to fix their conduct in a vain attempt to gain their abuser's approval and put an end to the abuse. They should realize that their abuser is only interested in establishing and maintaining power and control over their victims and is unrelated to the victim's behavior. Thus, the only way to end such pathological and sadistic abuse in most cases is simply to end the relationship.  One should not negotiate with or attempt to appease a hard-core abuser who is engaged in patriarchal terrorism.  A total separation from the abuse is the only viable solution in such situations.

1 comment:

  1. I feel your pain so much. My grandpa is Autistic and my Dad completely takes advantage EVERY single day. He uses his money for everything. Oh, and fun little fact, the "pet name" my dad gave me growing up was Idiot Savant. Glad to know you think of me as Rainman, dad. He was completely emotionally and psychologically abusive in every possible human way. I went undiagnosed with ADHD and a math learning disorder Dyscalculia, oh until I got to college. Well, of course being so "stupid" as told by grades and my teachers and my parents. I was like wait, you mean I'm not stupid? Everyone else thinks I am. No, you're actually extremely bright. It took 18 years for someone to say that to me. I let them beat me down to the ground making me think I was a worthless failure not worth anyone's time. All the while growing up with an abusive schizophrenic was just the icing on the cake. I mean how dense did the school systems have to be to not recognize the signs? to not catch in time? Instead just cut me down and berate and antagonize me like everyone else? Then, it got worse, I found out I was Bipolar I which explained my horrible anger and rage issues where I would hit things so hard I'd almost break my hand. But, parents know best right? Not selfish ones that don't teach you how to be a human being. I am currently still in the healing process as well. I feel like had my parents not been selfish passive aggressive emotionally abusive adult CHILDREN I might have had an actual shot at a normal life. But, this is all my fault though, right? That's what they'd say. Anyway, sorry to vent. But, I feel your pain and I know the scarring damage that parents can have on a child who sees the world in a different light. At least you were like me, you didn't accept. You questioned and said WTF this isn't right.

    Bless You,